Saying Sorry – Part 2
It’s an odd sensation experiencing someone else’s thoughts. Confusing too, especially since I was receiving them from two people at once. Man-Human waited for 10 minutes in silence, before asking Lady-Human, “What’s going on Carly?” While he waited for a reply I heard him saying to himself, “I’ve been trying to understand this for years now. I have to get to the bottom of it. This time she has to explain.”
A torrent of panicky thoughts washed through me from Lady-Human (who I realised was named ‘Carly’). I could see a maze of memories she was working through, every turn leading to a dead end. She reflected on the times she’d attempted to talk through her intense reactions to innocuous events, but it never made sense because she never told the truth. She was too scared of what he’d think of her.
Man-Human was losing hope, still waiting, willing Carly to speak. An intake of breath signalled that she was finally going to break the silence, but she arrived at another mental cul-de-sac and stopped the sound in her throat.
“What is it? Come on Carly, please. We can’t sit in silence forever. Are you going to talk to me?”
Dropping her eyes to her feet, she shook her head.
That’s when the most horrible feeling rushed at me. Much worse than fuzzy recollections of their fleeting arguments, or their churning stomachs from food poisoning when they’d struggled to sip water from me. It was a feeling of falling blindly into a black hole where no hope shines through, and it came from both of them.
Man-Human looked at Carly. The emotion in his eyes winded her like a car crash. She’d expected to see retaliation, disapproval maybe even disappointment. But all she saw was pure hurt and she’d never seen that in him before. She cursed at herself inaudibly “Oh God… I’ve screwed up so badly. I can’t see a way out of this. What’s going to happen?” Man-Human put his head in his hands.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
The next paragraphs and chorus of the song are here.